Chaotic Cluttered Crazy Grief

It’s been eight months. I plan to clean out the bathroom today. All the shelves and all the drawers. It’s been on my to-do list for over a week. I keep “arrowing” it over to the next day. And then the next. But I think today is the day. And to be fair, 75 percent […]

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Beyond the Shadowlands

I watched Shadowlands this past weekend — part of the story of C. S. Lewis. I actually didn’t know what I was signing up for when I rented the movie, but recently I had watched Anthony Hopkins in another movie, The Father (also an ambush), and was intrigued by this actor. Shadowlands was such a […]

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I miss his voice

My husband had been gone for a little over a month, and the adrenaline shock was wearing off. No longer was I frantically finding “his” chores to do around the house. I had become lethargic and depressed, feeling lost and alone. A few days into my slump, unable to sleep and feeling distraught, I got […]

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It’s okay to just let it be hard

I have attempted to be pro-active when it comes to special dates and my grief. My husband always wrote hand-written notes inside of the cards he gave me as well as underlining anything meaningful. I have saved them all (all? I hope so. I’m praying I still find a box or two hidden away somewhere […]

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Who’s Driving my bus?

My bus is stuck in the mud this week. Fear, the bus driver, doesn’t seem to be very confident of getting out of this mess soon. He appears to be paralyzed by the situation. Maybe not completely idle; is wallowing an action? He has provided food and drink for those of us along for the […]

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It’s Hard To Hold All The Grief

[We]… equate healing with doing something. When we have a problem, we fix it, and we prefer to do it quickly. But fixing is not the same as healing; in fact it can easily get in the way of healing…Healing happens not through doing but through feeling. — E. frattaroli Heavy. Hard. Scary. Hope. Those […]

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recipe for raw grief

I’m reading a book by Joanne Cacciatore, Bearing the Unbearable. With her permission, I may from time to time post a passage that I find meaningful. I may write about my own grief as well, but right now my brain can’t fully compute and words are just jumbled in my head. Grief is a tricky […]

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